


thirteen worlds that are one

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, Depression, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Telepathic Bond, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:27:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: the lives of thirteen soulmates, all tied together by fate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> pls read all tags before reading 
> 
> another fic that ive been thinking about a lot and wanted to write

They knew Seungcheol was depressed. Ever since middle school, Seungcheol had been haunted by dark thoughts, despite the warmth and positivity he always sent their way. 

 

But they never knew just how bad it was. They would take turns sending him bursts of affection and reassurance when they felt that he wasn't doing well, but still, he somehow was able to hide so much from them. Seokmin would feel it, a single string among their thirteen thread web, a chilling numbness that existed amongst them. And even that was nowhere near how bad Seungcheol really felt. 

 

They had all agreed,  _ Let's wait until all of us are out of high school.  _ Jisoo was going to UCLA, and was going to transfer to transfer to Hongik next year to be closer to them. Minghao was attending a dance school in Beijing, Junhui was going to a college in Shenzhen, and both of them, like Jisoo, was going to transfer to a college in the country next year. 

 

_ If we met now, it would put too much pressure on Seungkwan, Hansol, and Chan.  _

 

_ It would be unfair if some of us met, but the others weren't able to, we should just wait.  _

 

Seokmin would remember that day, crystal clear, for the rest of his life. The day that one of his soulmates almost died. 

 

He woke up in his apartment early that morning, earlier than he usually did, the sun barely up and the sky a soft pink. One of his roommates was screaming up a storm about something, and he already felt a headache coming on.  He had moved out of his parent's place and was working two jobs, just to share an apartment with three total strangers who didn't pay their bills on time. To say the least, he was looking for a new place, and he didn't really care where, as long as he got away. Moving back in with his parents was an option, according to them, but to him, it wasn't. He loved his parents, but he didn't want to go to school, and he knew they would just try to convince him it wasn't too late for him to apply and go somewhere, anywhere. 

 

_ I should get on a bus and just go somewhere today.  _

 

He had the day off from work, and he knew he wasn't going to find any peace in his own apartment, so going out would be time better spent, better than trying to stifle their voices out with his pillow all day. He went to the bus station, and he bought a ticket for the next bus going out, too impatient to put much thought into where to go. He would go somewhere new, have his own adventure, and then he would go home and tell the others all about it. 

 

The bus was going to Daegu, where he knew Seungcheol lived and went to school. It was a big city, and it was a Tuesday, Seungcheol had classes today, there was no way he would ever run into him. He would go, and one day, when they met, they could talk about the city together. 

 

It was tough sometimes, they were all already getting older, and Seokmin knew just how impatient everyone was to be together. Especially the kids, Seungkwan and Chan whined about it all time, and Hansol had developed a train of thought hair-raisingly similar to Seungcheol. 

 

As the bus drove, he couldn't help but think of Seungcheol, making sure that the others couldn't hear him before he did. He had been quiet in the last few months, but suddenly, in the last few days or so, he seemed happier. Seokmin thought that meant there was some hope, that Seungcheol was feeling better, was doing better. 

 

He was so very wrong. 

 

When he got to the bus station in Daegu, it was late morning.

 

_ Minnie, where are you?  _ Someone asked him, though he wasn't sure who. It wasn't always easy to tell who was who, and sometimes it was plain just hard to hear or understand them. 

 

_ A new place! I’ll tell you guys later! _

 

He heard eleven hums of an agreement and assumed that the one missing was Jisoo, who was probably sleeping. Seokmin did some shopping, it was colder than he had expected, so he bought himself a new jacket, with a soft gray inside and a black patted outside, to go over the forest green sweatshirt he was wearing. 

 

He was standing out on the sidewalk, food from a stand in his hand when a horrible feeling overcame him. Nearly dropping his food, he whipped around, head looking back and forth. Everything was fine, people were walking past, minding their own business or talking to one another, no one seemed distressed in any way, he was probably just imagining it. He turned back around to face the stand, and once again, a prickle ran up his spine and before he knew what was happening, he was running. 

 

He didn't know where he was going, but his body knew exactly where to go. He raced down streets, bumping into people, never stopping to think about or ask where he was going, but just trusting his body, because something was very wrong and something in Seokmin knew exactly where to go. 

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

 

Seokmin was breathing heavily, panicked, as a bridge came into view, and even as his calves burned and his feet protested, he ran even faster. He ran across a street without even looking and didn't mind the two cars that almost hit him. 

 

_ I love you all of you so much.  _

 

On the center of the bridge, on the left side of it, Seokmin saw someone standing on the lowest railing, a hand on the lamppost nearby. 

 

_ I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming,  _ Seokmin thought. 

 

Hansol was screaming in his head, Jeonghan was screaming, Mingyu was screaming, all of them were screaming, including Jisoo, nothing but an eerie silence coming from Seungcheol, and Seokmin watched as the figure stepped up onto the second railing, just as he reached the third lamppost on the bridge, just two away from the figure. 

 

_ Hold on, I’m coming. I’m here, I promise, I’m here.  _

 

The figure stepped up onto the top railing, nothing in the way of him and the water far below but air. 

 

_ I love you,  _ Seungcheol cooed at them tenderly. 

 

“Hyung!” 

 

Seokmin grabbed the person by the back of their jacket, just as they let go of the lamppost and in his desperation, Seokmin sent them both crashing down onto the concrete walkway, falling on top of Seungcheol’s body. 

 

Underneath Seungcheol’s head, Seokmin’s sleeve had rolled up, and he saw one of the names on his arms fade from a inky black to a light gray. Seungcheol was crying and trembling underneath him, 

 

Seokmin, still laying on him, wrapped his arms around Seungcheol and he laid his head on top of his. 

 

“It’s okay, hyung,” Seokmin spoke to him out loud for the first time. “I’m here,” He said, pressing his lips against the matted black hair. “I’m here, I’m here with you, I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

“Minnie,” Seungcheol choked out. “I’m sorry, Minnie, I’m sorry.” 

 

Seokmin sat them both up and tucked Seungcheol securely underneath his chin. “It’s okay, hyung.” It was not okay, everything hurt, he felt and heard the others sobbing and panicking still. “We’re gonna get you help, okay?” Seokmin asked, petting his head. “We’re gonna help you.” 

 

“I don't wanna be alone anymore,” Seungcheol sobbed. 

 

“Shh,” Seokmin said, hugging him, shielding him from the bitter chill. “It’s okay, I’m here, we’re here, we’re all here.” 

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said, so loudly it was like he was hoping that if he said it loud enough, the rest of them would be able to hear him as well. “I’m sorry,” he said again, quieter, whispered into the material of Seokmin’s new jacket. 

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

 

…

 

_ I’m moving to Daegu,  _ Seokmin told them that night, as Seungcheol laid next to him, finally sleeping.  _ Don't worry about anything, I’m gonna stay here with him.  _ Never before had their communication been so clear before, but, then again, never before had they ever had to talk more than now. 

 

_ I’m coming up there,  _ Jihoon said. 

 

_ No,  _ Seokmin thought. _ You need to go to school and get as much sleep as you can, hyung.  _

 

_ Something needs to change.  _ Wonwoo answered. 

 

_ We’ll figure it out later,  _ Seokmin told them.  _ All of you need to sleep, Jisoo hyung, are you going to class? _

 

_ I don't wanna wait til next year,  _ Jisoo said, in his usual whisper.  _ I wanna go there now.  _

 

_ We’re going to wake hyung up,  _ Chan said.  _ Let him sleep.  _

 

_ Don't worry,  _ Seokmin said, one last time.  _ I’ll take care of him. _

 

With that, everyone quieted down more or less. Junhui and Mingyu were still crying, and they all heard in the back of their minds as Minghao and Soonyoung spoke gentle comforting words to them. 

 

Seungcheol whimpered in his sleep, and Seokmin moved closer to him in bed, letting Seungcheol cling onto him, he wrapped his arms around Seungcheol’s waist and placed his chin on top of his head, feeling his soft hair that smelled sweet, like vanilla or strawberries or maybe both. 

 

Seungcheol was safe from everything in his arms, even himself, Seokmin didn't want to ever let him go. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls read tags and remember to be cautious while reading

Seungcheol had the longest eyelashes Seokmin had ever seen on a person. They laid black and thick against his cheeks, curling up just the slightest bit at the ends. His lips were a soft red and lightly chapped, his skin a little too pale, missing any natural color or any warm flush at the cheeks, which were a bit sucken in, like he hadn't eaten that much in the last week or so.  His hair was black and looked soft, so soft Seokmin wanted to reach out and pet it, but he held himself back from doing so, not wanting to wake him up, the purple shadows underneath his eyes keeping Seokmin from doing so. 

 

Seokmin got up from the cramped bed and left the bedroom quietly, knowing his shifting and moving around would also wake Seungcheol up. It would be better for him to keep an eye on Seungcheol’s link and come back once he sensed him waking up. 

 

Not to mention, the rumbling in his stomach might also be a problem. It was so noisy Seungcheol could probably hear it. He walked into the kitchen, and, hoping Seungcheol wouldn't mind, poked inside of his fridge and cabinets. 

 

Seokmin then understood why Seungcheol looked like he hadn't eaten in awhile. The fridge and freezer were both nearly barren, nothing but a half-empty pint of cream cheese, a closed bag of rotting lettuce, and two cans of cola in the former, and nothing but ice and a bag of steamable broccoli in the latter. In the cabinets, there was a closed box of vegetable crackers and few packages of ramen that had a small layer of dust on them. Seokmin sighed, worry fogging his mind even further, and he felt a gentle, sleepy prod by someone south of him. 

 

_ Hyung hasn't gone shopping in awhile.   _ Seokmin told Seungkwan before his stomach grumbled. 

 

Another gentle prod from a different direction,  _ Eat something.  _

 

_ I’ll send you guys money,  _ not one, not two, but five voices said all at the same time. 

 

_ Keep your milk money, Chan.   _ Came from Minghao. 

 

_ Hey! _

 

_ I’ll send some too,  _ Minghao added, before things went quiet on his end. 

 

It wasn't the first time one or more of them had given the others money, so Seokmin didn't protest. Last year, Soonyoung had nearly been broke for three straight months when he got fired from his job and was only able to pay rent and eat because Jeonghan, Jisoo and….Seungcheol, had sent him money every week, whether he protested or not. Jeonghan wired money right into their accounts on their birthdays every year, Junhui had paid for Minghao’s school application fee, Wonwoo had sent Mingyu money for the down payment on his car, Jihoon had given Seokmin money a few times when his boss didn't give him his check on time and he had nothing to eat. Sharing and giving money was nothing new between them, and had never been a big deal. 

 

So why hadn't Seungcheol hyung asked them for help if he was struggling this badly? Seokmin sighed and leaned his head against the wall for a moment, before grabbing the packet of crackers and sitting himself down at the table. 

 

When the time came, he would bring Seungcheol out and buy groceries for them together. He got through three crackers when a sleepy voice said, 

 

_ If the cream cheese is good, put some of it on the crackers.  _

 

_ Go to sleep, Jisoo,  _ several voices requested while Junhui and Hansol laughed maniacally. Seokmin could tell that they were also laughing out loud, which would have made him cringe if he wasn't just happy that they were no longer crying. They both sounded a little hysterical, but Seokmin couldn't sense any other ill feelings from them, and since he stayed quiet, he supposed Jeonghan didn't either. 

 

Seokmin was sitting there, alone in the room, but not in his head, enjoying the laughter of some of his soulmates with some of the others, when a thud came from down the hall. Everyone went quiet, and Seokmin walked to the bedroom, just to see that a book had fallen from Seungcheol’s desk and onto the floor. He was going to walk away then, he was, but then he started looking at Seungcheol, and instead, he ended up sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him sleep and feeling only slightly creepy about it.

 

Everyone stayed quiet, but he could feel all eleven of them there, wide-eyed and alert, even Jisoo, who should have been sleeping by now, and the kids, who usually all complained about being tired in their early morning classes. Seokmin laid back down next to him, not being able to help himself. Some of the others went about their day, Jeonghan went to the bank, Seungkwan doodled in his notebook, Jihoon made himself coffee, Jisoo counted the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, Soonyoung took a shower, while others, like Junhui, closed their eyes and laid in their own bed, pretending like they were with them. 

 

Seokmin saw Seungcheol twitch, watched as his eyes fluttered open, heard Wonwoo lose his breath when he realized Seungcheol had woken up, and that their thirteenth line was now lit up. 

 

Seungcheol mentally shrank back. 

 

He shook his head and clenched his hands around it, and Seokmin was quick to hold him as he started crying once again. The peace had been broken, and they were now all a bit winded. Chan asked his teacher to go to the bathroom, while Minghao walked out of class and sat on the floor in the hallway. Jihoon took a cab to work instead of walking, Soonyoung turned off his music and sat down on his couch, Jisoo got up from the bed and walked over to his desk, sat down, and turned on the lamp. 

 

Seungcheol was thinking ugly things, horrible things, things they knew he didn't want them to hear but they did because he was too weak to hide it from them anymore, 

 

_ Should have just let me die-burden, burden, I’m nothing but a burden-stupid, useless, ugly-kill myself.  _

Mingyu whimpered. 

 

_ Just die already! Die!  _

 

_ Seungcheol,  _  Soonyoung sobbed. 

 

_ Look what you do to them! This is your fault! You never do anything right!  _

 

_ Seungcheol _

 

_ You don't deserve them,  _

 

_ Hyung, please,  _ someone begged him. 

 

_ I love them, I love them, I love them,   _ Seungcheol’s sad, broken voice chanted. 

 

_ If you love them, then just go ahead and die! They’ll be better off without you,   _ Seungcheol spat at himself.  It went back and forth for awhile, Seokmin not being able to do anything but hold him and rock him back and forth, the others all trying to give comfort that Seungcheol didn't seem to hear. Slowly, things changed, and eventually, only one pattern of thought was left, as if everything else in Seungcheol was already exhausted. 

 

_ Love them, love them, love them...Scared...I don't want to be alone...I’m so hungry and cold....Don't know what to do anymore...Lonely, so lonely, don't want to be alone.  _

 

“I’m here,” Seokmin whispered aloud. 

 

_ I’m here,  _ Seokmin whispered. 

 

_ We’re here.  _

 

_ Baby,  _ Jeonghan said, and Seungcheol sobbed loudly in his arms.  _ It’s okay baby, it’s okay.  _

 

_ Lonely.  _

 

_ I know. I’m so sorry.  _

 

_ Want you. _

 

_ I want you too.  _

 

_ Want you here. _

 

_ I want to be there too, baby. _

 

Seungcheol sniffled against Seokmin’s shoulder, he kissed Seungcheol on the side of his head and Seungcheol nuzzled their faces together. 

 

“Love you, Minnie.”

 

“I love you too,” Seokmin said, resting their foreheads together. “We’re going to get you help.” 

 

“O-okay.” 

 

“We all love you” Seokmin assured him, and eleven voices echoed the words back. 

 

**_Why?_ **

 

**_What is there to love?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im actually a monster omfhdhf im so sorry why am i doing this to cheol i love him so much imfjhdh


	3. Chapter 3

Seokmin woke up the sounds of sizzling and clashing pans. His eyes fluttered open and he spent a moment stretching and yawning before he realized the other side of the bed was empty and Seungcheol was nowhere to be seen.

 

A sudden rush of fear ran through him, he ran out of the bedroom, down the hall, and found Seungcheol in the kitchen. There were a few bags of unpacked groceries on the counter, and Seungcheol was cooking eggs in a frying pan, back turned to him, until he heard the slide of Seokmin’s feet and turned around, smiling when he saw him.

 

“Morning,” Seungcheol told him. “I made you breakfast.”

 

Seokmin’s eyes drifted back over to the bags on the counter and Seungcheol’s followed his gaze.

 

“Oh,” Seungcheol said, with a small laugh. “I ran out this morning while you were sleeping. I forgot I didn’t have a lot of food, I was so busy with studying this week.”

 

Seungcheol set the small table in the corner for the two of them, dishing out eggs, rice, store-bought kimchi, and a few cuts of meat. While Seokmin watched him, eyes blown wide in shock at the change from one day to another, Seungcheol poured them two cups of coffee and carried it over to the table, only looking at him once he had taken a seat.

 

“Are you not hungry?” Seungcheol asked him.

 

Seokmin walked over to the table, sat down, and the two of them ate in silence for about ten minutes, before Seokmin couldn’t take the extreme change in the atmosphere any longer.

 

“Hyung,” Seokmin began, and Seungcheol looked up at him, humming to let him know he was listening. “Are…what…um…are you alright?”

 

Seungcheol blinked at him, and then he started laughing, so brightly it was alarming.

 

“You mean the other day?” It was just yesterday, but Seokmin didn’t correct him, he just nodded. “It’s not a big deal, I have days like that sometimes, but then I get over it, it’s nothing.”

 

Seokmin paused. “You often have days when you try to kill yourself?”

 

Seungcheol’s face fell and he looked down, suddenly playing with his food. “It was nothing,” Seungcheol repeated, tone now leaning more towards numb. “I wasn’t going to jump, I just do crazy things sometimes, but they don’t mean anything.” Seungcheol looked up at him. “You believe me, right? I’m fine.” Seungcheol’s eyes were so big, so wide and innocent, so clear and glistening, Seokmin almost believed him.

 

_You’re not fine._

 

Seungcheol and Seokmin both jumped, neither of them realizing that the eleven others had been listening in on their conversation.

 

 _Seokmin-ah,_ Jeonghan said. _I made an appointment for him already, I’ll text you the details, make sure he goes._

 

_I don’t need-_

 

 _You’re going._ Eleven voices all said at once.

 

Seungcheol threw down his food and he stomped off to his bedroom, the door slamming shut at the same time Seokmin’s phone tinged on the counter. He didn’t remember plugging it in, but he also didn’t recognize the purple charger, and he guessed Seungcheol must have done it for him.

 

He tried getting Seungcheol to let him in, first knocking on the door and trying to convince him to let him, before he changed to the mentally poking at him until Seungcheol grumbled at him and he heard him flip over in bed.

 

Seokmin didn’t know if leaving him alone was the best idea, lingering by the door a bit before he eventually gave up and went back to the kitchen, taking it upon himself to put the groceries away into where he thought was the proper place, and hoping Seungcheol wouldn’t mind if he had messed anything up.

 

Afterwards, he checked the text Jeonghan had sent him, and saw that the appointment was _today_ and that just in a few hours. He, of course, didn’t know where the center was and took a few minutes to look it up. And then he had the answer the number of texts and emails he had from his roommates, coworkers, and even one from his boss.

 

He would have to put some time aside to think about what he was going to do about moving, and then he was going to have to find a new job, or maybe two like he had now.

 

He went to the bedroom door and tried once more, this time being allowed to come in.

 

Seungcheol was propped up on a few pillows, his phone in hand, and a small smile on his face. When Seokmin walked over and sat next to him, he saw that Seungcheol was chatting with Jisoo.

 

Seokmin put a gentle hand on his thigh. “Hyung,” he said quietly. “The appointment is in a few hours. I know you don’t want to go, but- “

 

“I’ll go,” Seungcheol whispered.

 

Seokmin brightened up. “You will?”

 

Seungcheol nodded, and then he patted the pillow next to him. “Lay with me for a bit,” he told Seokmin. “I feel tired.”

 

In the early afternoon, the two of them left the apartment together and Seokmin decided to pay for a taxi was simpler, since Seungcheol also wasn’t familiar with how to get to the area where the center was located.

 

“Is it just me,” Seokmin began. “Or does that building say Yoon on it?”

 

Seungcheol, just as shocked at Seokmin looked, nodded his head.

 

_Yoon Mental Health Treatment Center._

 

“So, this is Jeonghan’s family’s business,” Seungcheol said, and then he laughed. “How ironic.”

 

“How?” Seokmin asked.

 

“Well,” Seungcheol said. “Jeonghan’s family works in the mental health field, and one of his soulmates is a nut job.”

 

“You’re not a _nut job_ ,” Seokmin said.

 

“A crazy bastard?” Seungcheol offered.

 

“You’re not crazy,” Seokmin chided him. “Don’t say things like that about yourself.”

 

“I have problems,” Seungcheol said, sounding tired.

 

“So, what?” Seokmin said. “You can’t help it, you didn’t choose to be this way. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, you’re here to get help and as long as you do that, as long as you’re trying, then you’re doing the best you can.”

 

“I’m not the one doing anything,” Seungcheol fought. “You guys made me come, I’m a coward.”

 

“You’re not a coward,” Seokmin told him gently. “Jeonghan made the appointment, but in the end, you’re the one who decided to come, so you are doing something.”

 

Seungcheol sighed and nodded. Seokmin offered him his hand and Seungcheol took it, and the two of them walked in together, both ignoring the glances they got from the people on the street. A friendly faced woman greeted them when they entered, and they sat down and waited in a warm and cozy waiting room.

 

When Seungcheol was called in, he hesitated, but eventually, he got up, exchanged smiles with Seokmin and went in.

 

An hour later, Seungcheol came out, looking a bit shaken up.

 

It wasn’t until they were in heading back home, that Seokmin asked him what was wrong.

 

“They wanted to lock me up,” Seungcheol’s voice was shaking.

 

“They what?” Seokmin almost shrieked, making the cab driver glare at him before he mumbled an apology and leaned closer to Seungcheol. “What do you mean they wanted to lock you up?”

 

“They wanted me to go one of their institutions and stay there for a few weeks,” Seungcheol whispered. “Because I tried to kill myself, I-I had to call Jeonghan, and he called his dad and they agreed that instead, I’ll go there for counseling four times a week… _four times a week_ ,” Seungcheol repeated as his shoulders started shaking and Seokmin wrapped an arm around them. “I don’t want to go there, I don’t want them to take me away.”

 

Seokmin couldn’t say aloud that he didn’t think Seungcheol going to an institution for treatment might not be the worst idea. Especially because it was a place ran by Jeonghan’s family, he knew the elder would make sure their soulmate was treated well. But he saw the fear in Seuncheol’s expression, the tears brimming in his eyes, and he knew nothing else scared him more than that.

 

If anything, Seokmin had to remind himself, Seungcheol’s depression and anxiety had worsened so badly over the years because he felt so lonely, and him going there really might indeed make him worse.

 

“No one is going to take you away,” Seokmin told him. “Jeonghan wouldn’t let them, and neither would I.” Truthfully, Seokmin wasn’t completely sure what Jeonghan would do, but he knew that if Seungcheol really didn’t want to go, and it wasn’t the last option they had, that he wouldn’t let them take Seungcheol without a fight. Obviously, if they were willing to just have him come to the center for appointments a few times a week, he wasn’t completely at that point where he _needed_ to be admitted.

 

Seokmin wanted to think more about it, but Seungcheol started shaking more and Seokmin ended up full on holding him and whispering comforting words for the rest of the drive back to the apartment.

 

They got out of the taxi at the corner of the street and walked down it, talking together until they got the front of the building.

 

“Hey.”

 

The two of them looked up, eyes widening in shock when they saw the figure waiting for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so, I'm actually not 100% set on who is there waiting for them. I was thinking about Soonyoung or Jihoon or Jeonghan or really any of them tbh. I was even considering making it actually be two of them being there and waiting for them. idk, let me know all of yalls opinions 
> 
> twitter: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall thought the worst of it was over...wELL

The last thing they had been expecting when they came home was to find Soonyoung on their doorstep, parka zipped up to his chin and two stuffed duffle bags sitting next to him.

 

“Hey,” Soonyoung repeated. “Jeonghan hyung is inside and-“

 

Just then, as if summoned, before the two of them could even process seeing Soonyoung sitting there all warm and real and not just a voice in their head or a number in their phone, the front door of the apartment building opened and Jeonghan stepped out, wearing a beige coat and a cream turtleneck, his bleached blonde hair styled perfectly despite the cold harsh winds.

 

Jeonghan had always teased them, telling them about oh how so very handsome he was.

 

Seokmin had never doubted that he would find all his soulmates attractive, but he saw now that Jeonghan really hadn’t been exaggerating his looks. He could have been a celebrity, an idol or maybe an actor in a drama playing the CEO’s handsome son.

 

Well, technically, he _was_ the handsome son of a CEO.

 

“We get it, he’s handsome,” Soonyoung said, almost pouting over Seokmin staring at Jeonghan. Seokmin looked away from him and instead looked at Seungcheol, who was staring up at Jeonghan just like he had.

 

He hadn’t been near tears and shaking though.

 

Jeonghan looked back at Seungcheol and carefully made his way down the staircase. He brushed a warm hand over Seokmin’s shoulders, sliding it up to caress the back of his neck for a moment, playing with the dark strands, before he pulled away, but not before Seokmin just close enough to place a kiss on the side of his head, arm wrapping around his middle for an instant.

 

Jeonghan faced Seungcheol and just as quietly, took the eldest’s face in his hands. He caressed the reddened cheeks, running his thumbs underneath the large doe eyes when tears, hot and fast, started running down his face.

 

Seungcheol sniffled and Jeonghan bent, brushing their chapped lips against each other.

 

Seokmin realized, almost sadly, that he had yet to kiss Seungcheol. Of course, there hadn’t been much of a very appropriate time to do so, but seeing the way Seungcheol relaxed and let himself fall into Jeonghan’s arms, wrapping his arms around his neck while Jeonghan kissed his lips and then started trailing warm kisses over his cheeks and nose, Seokmin had to wonder if it would have helped, if Seungcheol would have responded the same way.

 

As if reading his mind, and quickly, Seokmin realized he had probably been projecting, Seungcheol turned away from Jeonghan, the other letting him go easily, before he cuddled back up to Seokmin, leaning up to brush their lips together, before he wrapped his arms around Seokmin’s waist and leant his head on his chest.

 

Another pair of arms wrapped around his waist and he saw bright red hair out of the corner of his eye, while Jeonghan stood a bit back from them, watching them with his warm but tired eyes.

 

“Are you idiots just going to stand out in the fucking cold all day?”

 

Seokmin looked over Seungcheol’s head to see a small angry man standing in the opened doorway of the apartment building, arms wrapped tightly around his purple sweatshirt.

 

Seokmin knew that voice.

 

_“Jihoon hyung?”_

 

“Not a damn word, I’ve already heard it from Soonyoung, now all of you come inside before you all get sick.”

 

They all decided that yes, it was extremely cold, and they headed inside. Soonyoung held him around the waist, holding his bags, while Jeonghan walked in front of them, leading them to the elevator. When Seokmin looked over his shoulder, it was to see Jihoon taking off the gray beanie he had been wearing and sliding it over Seungcheol’s head, covering his red ears.

…

Soonyoung and Seokmin were making ramen for all of them for dinner. Meaning Seokmin was cooking ramen while Soonyoung did his best to look like he was helping. Jihoon was trying to fit all of their things in the one bedroom, since Seungcheol didn’t have anywhere else to put anything, and Jeonghan and Seungcheol were napping on the couch together, Seungcheol laying on top of Jeonghan with his head buried in his neck, Jeonghan’s arms wrapped tightly around him, not wanting to let him go even as they slept.

 

Seungcheol slept so much because of his depression, and Jeonghan slept because…well, he just liked to sleep. They all had already known that for years now. Seungcheol had originally been huddled up in his bedroom, only for Jeonghan to go in and carry him out, laying the elder on top of him, tucking him underneath his chin and telling him to sleep with him until dinner was ready.

 

They had all expected him to protest a bit more, or rather, Soonyoung and Jihoon had been expecting him to, but Seungcheol had sunk into Jeonghan at his word, and that had been that the two of them gone to the world within a few minutes.

 

“When’s hyungs next appointment?” Soonyoung asked Seokmin as they watched the pot, waiting for the water to boil.

 

“The day after tomorrow at three-thirty,” Seokmin told him quietly, grabbing a spoon to mix the water.

 

Soonyoung was quiet for a moment and then he asked. “What are you going to do, Seokminnie?”

 

“About what?” Seokmin whispered back, the two of them eyeing the sleeping duo on the couch when they shifted in their sleep.

 

“About…everything,” Soonyoung said. “You have a life back home, you can’t just stay here with him and not go back.”

 

“I already plan on moving here,” Seokmin whispered. “I don’t have school like the rest of you, one of my jobs has a location here, I can probably just transfer over. What are you and Jihoon hyung going to do? Jeonghan hyung? All of you have school.”  

 

“I’m going back next week to finish the semester,” Jihoon said, making both of them jump in surprise, neither of having had heard him come in. “And then I’m going to transfer to a school here.”

 

“But Jihoon…you’re going to your dream school, you spent all of high school working to get in there.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Jihoon said, stubbornly. “You sure as hell can’t stay here for more than a week without your grades slipping, and Seokmin can’t leave his job without knowing if he can switch locations or not. He can’t be here alone.”

 

“He’s not going to be,” Seokmin protested weakly. “I told you I’m going to stay here with him.”

 

“He lost his job,” Jihoon told Seokmin, which was a shock to Seokmin. He hadn’t even thought about whether Seungcheol had been going to work. “He might get kicked out of school, and you don’t have enough money to take care of both of you. I have money saved up, I can do my job from anywhere as long as I have my laptop, and I have plenty of money for the two of us.”

 

“No,” Soonyoung whisper yelled. “You need to go back to Busan, Jihoon. I’m back on my feet, I can do it.”

 

“What about school?” Jihoon challenged.

 

“Fuck school. I’ll drop out and get another job.”

 

“And let the last few years of work go to waste? Don’t do something so stupid.”

 

Seokmin looked nervously back and forth between them, wanting to intervene but not knowing how to do it. Both of them looked scary and more than a little dangerous when they were angry, and they were both just getting madder as time went on, with each word that they spat out at one another.

 

“Listen-“

 

“None of you are staying.”

 

Seokmin jumped and Jihoon and Soonyoung just looked annoyed, both turning to face Jeonghan, who had woken up and crossed the room without waking up Seungcheol, who was tucked underneath a warm blanket, still on the couch but now all alone.

 

“I told the two of you not to come,” Jeonghan said. “You’re going to go back home by the end of the week, all three of you.”

 

“But-“

 

“I already got a transfer and my dad is going to let me work at the clinic here instead of the one in Seoul,” Jeonghan said. “Seungcheol and I are going to a move to an apartment closer to the college and to the clinic.”

 

 “You can’t boss us around however you like.” Jihoon hissed.

 

“I’m not bossing you around,” Jeonghan said calmly. “I’m doing what’s best for all of us. Seokmin makes decent money where he is, Soonyoung doesn’t have the grades to transfer and can’t risk quitting his job, and you’re not giving up your dream school to move here and take care of Seungcheol when you can barely take care of yourself.”

 

“You f-“

 

“You know I’m right,” Jeonghan cut him off, eyes narrowing into a dangerous glare. “He needs experienced care, and I’m sorry Jihoon, but the only person who knows anything at all about caring for mentally ill people out of the people here is me, so what about you think of Seungcheol for a moment and give your ego a rest?”

 

“It’s not about my ego or my pride.” Jihoon snapped. “I want to be here with him, and I could take care of him. I know he needs help and I would always put him first.”

 

Jeonghan sighed. “Jihoon, I’m not saying you don’t care about him, I know we do, we all care about him, and if things like distance and money didn’t matter, we would all be here and trying to do something, but you have to think about-“

 

“Where did hyung go?” Seokmin asked suddenly.

 

Jeonghan and Jihoon looked at him, as did Soonyoung, who had been watching the two of them argue for the last few minutes, preparing for what he wanted to say to go into the discussion.

 

Jeonghan’s face twisted in confusion.  “He’s right there-“ Jeonghan turned around, and so did Soonyoung and Jihoon, all of their eyes going towards the couch. The very empty couch. The blanket he had been wrapped in laying across the floor.

 

“Seungcheol?” Jeonghan called.

 

No answer.

 

“Seungcheol?” Jihoon tried.

 

Nothing.

 

“Seungcheolie?” Soonyoung yelled, and for once, Jihoon didn’t complain about his volume.

 

Once again, there was no answer.

 

“Seungcheol hyung?” Seokmin said lastly, a quiver in his voice because he knew in his heart that they weren’t going to get an answer.

 

And as he predicted, there was no response, and they all stood there, stunned frozen for a moment until it wore off and they all kicked into action.

 

The four of them sprinted out of the kitchen and what they saw made Seokmin’s heart drop into the very pit of his stomach, as a shiver of dread ran down his spine and a sudden strong sense of lightheadedness overtook him.

 

The front door was wide open and Seungcheol’s shoes were gone.

 

Seokmin was standing there, but he felt like someone had grabbed his heart and had pulled it so far it was barely hanging onto his body by little strings of his very flesh, prickles of pain shooting around the area surrounding his heart.

 

In the kitchen, the water came to a boil and spilled over the edges of the pot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iM sOrRy 
> 
> twitter: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated this fic in a long time...but I guess its kinda obvious why I haven't at this point. 
> 
> I don't rly know how to write a PSA like this properly but like....if you're depressed and or having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone, I promise you that there is always someone who cares and who wants to help you.

They thought the worst, of course, they did. Soonyoung and Jihoon went one way and Seokmin and Jeonghan went running in the other direction. Seokmin had a difficult time navigating the new city, but he remembered where the bridge was and he wrapped a hand around Jeonghan’s wrist, guiding him towards it. 

 

Sounds similar to fire and prison break alarms were going off in their heads, and they could hear the nervous chatter and thrown out questions of their other soulmates while they scurried through the streets, looking anywhere and everywhere for Seungcheol to be. 

 

When the bridge came in to view, Seokmin felt both relief and worry that he didn't see Seungcheol anywhere on it, but it didn't stop him and Jeonghan from running up and down it, looking down into the water and asking everyone who passed by them if they had seen anyone on or near the railing. When it became clear that Seungcheol wasn't there and hadn't been there, they took off down the street and tried to look for anywhere else Seungcheol might have gone. 

 

They went to his old job, the fast food place that was a couple streets over from his university, but his former co-workers said that they hadn't seen him since he had been let go, and then in desperation, they ran to the university, even though neither of them knew what department he was in or where anything was. They were somewhere near the center hall when Jeonghan’s cell phone started ringing and he answered it without looking at who it was, thinking it was Soonyoung or Jihoon, or better yet, Seungcheol, who would tell them he had just gone out to get almond milk or something, 

 

It wasn't any of them.

 

Seokmin watched Jeonghan’s face anxiously while he had a quick and rapid conversation on the phone, words flying out so fast he could barely understand anything before he knew it, Jeonghan was shoving his phone into his coat and sitting on the edge of the curb.

 

“Jeonghan-hyung?” Seokmin asked tentatively, fearing the worst. 

 

“It’s okay, Seokmin-ah,” Jeonghan said, into his hands. “Seungcheol is fine.” 

 

“Did Soonyoung and Jihoon hyung find him?” Seokmin asked, even though he already had the feeling that wasn't the case. 

 

_ My father just called me,  _ Jeonghan said, making everyone else quiet down immediately and strain to listen.  _ He said Seungcheol went to the clinic and asked to be admitted into one of the institutes.  _

 

_ …. _

 

The walk back to Seungcheol’s apartment was quiet. Seokmin had his arms wrapped around himself and Jeonghan was dragging his feet along the cold pavement, slowly, slowly, even when it started to snow and snowflakes twirled around them overhead, covering the tops of their heads, leaving their footprints behind them, Jeonghan walked slow, like he was being weighed down by invisible cinder blocks. 

 

Once they were on the street, Seokmin saw Soonyoung and Jihoon waiting for them out on the front steps. There was a whisper in their minds like the others were talking with one another but were purposely blocking the four of them out. 

 

_ I can feel Cheol-hyung _ , Chan thought,  _ But he isn't letting me hear anything.  _

 

None of them replied because it was the same for the rest of them. 

 

“Did your father tell you which one he was sent to?” Jihoon asked Jeonghan, looking small, and it wasn't because of his height. Jihoon looked like he was being weighed down just as Jeonghan did. 

 

“No,” Jeonghan said. “But I doubt it's the one here or any of the ones in Seoul, he doesn't want me showing up to try to see him.”

 

“Why not?” Soonyoung asked.

 

“Cheol-ah told him he doesn’t want any visitors.” 

 

Seokmin felt like he had been slapped across the face, but he didn't say anything. The others must have felt his pain because Jihoon reached out to him and let Seokmin hug him and nuzzle his face into his shoulder. The four of them stood outside like that in the snow for a long time, until Jisoo finally whispered that they should all go inside and get out of the cold. 

 

After going inside, they all curled up together and shared the bed for the night. Junhui sang something softly to all of them, and it must have been in Cantonese because even Minghao was listening in wonder. Seokmin fell asleep to tears on the back of his neck, and what sounded like Seungcheol saying,  _ beautiful.  _

 

…

 

Jihoon kissed him before he left in the morning. 

 

Jihoon was catching the second bus back to Busan, and just an hour or two after the sun came up. They walked him to the bus stop, even though he said he didn't need anyone to go with him, he let Seokmin and Soonyoung hold his hands, and Jeonghan scold him and zip up his coat all the way to the base of his neck. 

Jihoon kissed all of them, just soft pecks. He left Seokmin for last and stroked his cheek, before drawing him further down for his kiss. 

 

“Don't worry yourself sick, okay?” Jihoon told him. “He’s in the best place he can be.”

 

Seokmin knew Jihoon was doing his best to make him feel better, but since last night, he couldn't stop thinking about Seungcheol crying in the back of the taxi and telling him he didn't want to be locked away. He had asked the others, and they had all confirmed that they had heard Seungcheol’s comment about Junhui’s singing, but they hadn’t heard anything from him since, but he knew that Junhui had sung all night long after that, Seokmin had dreamed of his voice and woken up to it. 

 

“Call me when you get home,” Seokmin told Jihoon, who nodded and gave them all another hug before he got on the bus. 

 

Jeonghan was getting on a bus himself in a few hours, so the three of them spent the next few hours in a cafe, pretending to drink lattes and not saying much to one another. 

 

“Why do I feel so sad?” Soonyoung asked them eventually. “Seungcheol hyung is okay, so why do I feel so sad?” 

 

Jeonghan looked up from his caramel macchiato and smiled at him. “Because you feel like it's your fault that he had to go there when you know he didn't want to because you feel like you didn't do enough to help him when he was with us, even though you had only seen him in person for less than half a day.” 

 

“That’s so shitty,” Soonyoung said before he started crying and Jeonghan let him rest against his shoulder. Seokmin’s lip wobbled and he went to sit on Jeonghan’s other side. 

 

Jeonghan let them both cry into his shoulders until his bus came, never saying a word about the marks they left behind on his parka. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu whenever (im always here for anyone who ever needs to talk no matter what its about)  
> twt: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

A knock on his room door made Seungcheol jerk awake.

 

“Breakfast in thirty minutes,” The nurse on the other side of the door reminded him sternly but not unkindly.

 

“Okay,” Seungcheol said quietly back, letting out a sigh when he heard the nurse walk further down the hallway. He rolled over in bed and closed his eyes, wishing he could sleep a little bit longer. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to sleep for another few hours, he wanted to sleep all day.

 

But that's not how it worked around there. He knew that, but it didn't mean he had to like it. Seungcheol had been at _Yoon’s_ in Suncheon for nearly a week now, and he was slowly but surely getting used to the routine there. It certainly wasn't easy, and there were times when he got frustrated and wanted to cry, wanted someone to give him a phone so he could call Jeonghan to somehow get him out, but he knew that wouldn't be a good thing to do in the long run.

 

He was here to get better. He _had_ to get better.

 

For them, he wanted to get better for them. He needed to get better for them.

 

The medication they put him on was working so far, but he was told they wouldn't really know until at least a week or two. At least it didn't make him sick, Seungcheol told himself when he thought of the two pills he took in the morning, and the one he took in the afternoon. He had to admit, he was almost pleasantly surprised by the medication they had him on. A large part of him feared that they would put him on as much medication as possible to keep him nice and quiet and sedated, but instead of having less control of himself, Seungcheol felt like he had more control over his own body than he had had for a long time.

 

Seungcheol looked at his face in the mirror, noting the hollowness of his cheeks and the violet shadows under his eyes that had still failed to go away. It was hard to remind himself that all his problems would go away overnight so shortly after he had even admitted to himself that he had problems.

 

Hollow cheeks was something he had once thrived for, but now hated because of the sadness in Soonyoung’s eyes when he had run his fingers over them. He wanted to not have to pack on several layers of concealer underneath his eyes the next time he saw any of them because of how Jeonghan had kissed the undersides of his eyes before they napped together, telling him he needed to get proper and good sleep more.

 

He brushed his teeth, brushed his hair, and put on a set of clean clothes once he stepped out of the small bathroom connected to his room. He knew that most people had roommates but the bed on the other side of the room was unmade and untouched, and he wondered if it was because they just didn't have a patient to out in it or because Jeonghan’s father had given him his own room. Along with having no visitors, Seungcheol had also requested that he received the same treatment as any other patient, but now a part of him was thankful he didn't have to share the room with someone.

 

It wasn't that he didn't like the other patients, they were all as normal as he was, just having their own issues, just like he did, but late at night when he couldn't sleep and would sit up in bed, thinking of his loves, he knew he would likely disturb the other person and keep them up, and then the nurses would be told he wasn't sleeping well and then they put that on his chart and he would have to stay longer.

 

Seungcheol walked out into the hallway, sleepily making it to the end of the line, all of them waiting to be let into the cafeteria for their meal. Seungcheol thought he was the last one to have risen and come out from his room, but a moment later a man around his height or a little shorter with mint dyed hair, black at the roots, walked down the hallway, head hanging low as he grumbled about wanting to sleep more. Seungcheol had seen him around the last few days, but they had not exchanged any words, a fact that didn't change as they both stood silently in line.

 

Seungcheol looked down at his breakfast. Eggs, rice, soup and some vegetables, and told himself he had to eat all of it, or at least most of it. He had to do his very best, even when scooping up the rice and rinsing it down with the soup made something inside of him clench in worry.

 

“Eat all of your food,” A voice said from above him. Seungcheol looked up to see the mint-haired man put down his food and sit down across from him, his own hardier breakfast spread out before him. He was eating the same as Seungcheol, but with added toasts and meat on the side. “I know its hard at first,” The man continued, “But if you ever want to get out of here, you’re gonna have to.”

 

Seungcheol looked from his food to the man across from him.

 

“You must not have been diagnosed with anything official,” the man continued on, “But it's definitely in your sheets that you have some issues with food.” When he noticed Seungcheol staring at him, the man across from him gave him a surprisingly cute and gummy smile. “Sorry, I've been here before, can you tell? I’m Yoongi.”

 

“Seungcheol.”

 

“This is my fourth time,” Yoongi told him. “What are you in for, kid?”

 

“This isn't a prison,” Seungcheol said, slowly.

 

“No, it's definitely not. It's a good place,” Yoongi admitted. “But it still feels like shit being here.”

“Yeah,” Seungcheol agreed with a sigh.

 

“Eat your food,” Yoongi encouraged him. “Eat your food and hyung will tell you stories later.”

 

“Stories?” Seungcheol asked.

 

“You’re always sitting by yourself,” Yoongi told him between his mouthfuls. “Not good, they want you to talk to other people. I know it’s really hard at first, I remember.” Was all Yoongi said before he returned to his food.

 

Seungcheol watched Yoongi eat for another moment and then a small smile of his own appeared on his face.

 

“Thank you, hyung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna write a bit more but its 2 am and im tired af im sorry fhdhfhdh  
> so yeah yoongi is here now 
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya girl has been gone forever ghshfhf sorry this is so late

“How many?” Yoongi asked him, neither of them paying attention to the movie that was being played for the patients in the side parlor.

“How many what?” Seungcheol asked, confused.

“How many soulmates do you have?”

“Twelve.”

Yoongi nodded, looking impressed. “I have six of them.” He offered, and then went quiet. He looked like he was watching the movie, but Seungcheol had the feeling that he wasn’t. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, his eyes slightly glazed over as his mind went off to places that his body wasn’t.

“Did you know that there are people who think people who have more than one, two, or three soulmates are more likely to end up in places like this and have problems like ours?” Yoongi asked him.

Seungcheol turned to him, surprise flickering in his eyes. “No, I didn’t.”

“I read a few books about it.” Yoongi told him, dipping his head onto his own shoulder as he spoke, sinking further into the couch. “Apparently, having more people connected to you makes you compare yourself more to everyone and everything, makes you feel more insecure, stuff like that. So at least one person in bigger groups develops depression, anxiety, or something else.” Yoongi then added, “I’m not sure if I agree or not, sometimes I just think I’m the one with the problem, born with problems, I mean it can’t…it’s, not _their_ fault I’m the way I am.”

“I don’t think its anyone’s fault, really,” Seungcheol said, quietly after Yoongi had done nothing but stare off into the distance for a few minutes. Seungcheol wondered if he was just thinking to himself or if he was having a conversation with his soulmates.  

“I read all that shit,” Yoongi said. “But none of it makes sense. Of course, more people who are in bigger lines are more likely to have problems, because there more people in them to have the problems, more chances. You know what I mean?”

Seungcheol was quick to nod, and not because he felt obligated to. He had to agree. He didn’t know much about the supposed studies Yoongi had read about, but he had a feeling all those statistics and facts in them would be tweaked to fit their theories accordingly.

“If anything,” Seungcheol started, gaining Yoongi’s attention. “They’re…they’re the reason I was able to stay strong for so long. Even now…I’m only here because of them. Without them, I would have thrown myself off a bridge a long time ago.”

Yoongi’s eyes softened into circles of wound black silk. “I know exactly what you mean,” he whispered, softly, dreamily.

 

…

 

“Yoongi-hyung?” Seungcheol started hesitantly at dinner that same day.

Yoongi made a noise of acknowledgment, looking up from the large bowl of beef and radish soup that had been served to him. Along with bread, a small serving of black bean noodles, and a cup of milk tea.

For a moment Seungcheol didn’t answer him, couldn’t. He was remembering Junhui walking to the place a few blocks away from his college and buying himself a cup of milk tea every day after his classes, no matter how much Minghao and Mingyu teased him for his apparent addiction. Seungcheol had never gotten around to trying the type Junhui liked so much, and now wished he could. If Junhui tried this milk tea, would he like it? Would his preference for the shop down the street remain? After Junhui moved to Korea, would they be able to find him a place that made milk tea the way that he liked?

“Who are you thinking about?” Yoongi asked him, finally snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Junnie,” Seungcheol said, still out of the building. When he came back into focus he shook his head and corrected himself. “I mean, Junhui. Wen Junhui. He’s one of my soulmates, he’s the fourth oldest, but he’s like our baby.” Seungcheol said the words with a warm smile, using the title as a sign of adoration rather than of an insult.

“Wen Junhui,” Yoongi repeated, testing the name on his tongue.

“He’s from China,” Seungcheol explained. “Him and Minghao.”

“That must have been hard, especially for them,” Yoongi said, sympathetically.

“At first, it was. The eleven of us took Mandarin classes, but the best of us is probably Joshua, and he’s at an intermediate level at best. Junhui and Minghao have been studying Korean since they were little kids, they did all the hard work.” Seungcheol said. He still remembered sitting in his play room as a child, coloring pictures of houses and cats, listening to Junhui and Minghao practice their Korean together through the link. The time that happened to come to his mind first was when Junhui and Minghao were practicing their numbers together,

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17-_

And then Chan started crying, woken from his nap, and the two of them whispered apologies and stayed quiet for the rest of the day. At the time, Seungcheol was seven years old, and Chan was just a bit over three, which meant he was still prone to temper tantrums and crying fits.

Seungcheol wondered if Chan remembered that, or if anyone had ever told him.

He missed them so much it ached.

“Yoongi hyung,” Seungcheol said, remembering what he was going to ask.

Yoongi hummed around a mouthful of bread.

“You said you were in here three times before, what…” Seungcheol trailed off, wondering if he shouldn’t have asked.

“It’s alright,” Yoongi said when he noticed Seungcheol’s unsure expression. “Hyung told you he would tell you stories right?”

Seungcheol nodded.

“It doesn’t really bother me to share with other patients,” Yoongi said. “We can understand each other in a way others can’t, I guess.” Yoongi raised his arms above his head and stretched before he reached for his milk tea, taking a sip before he continued. “The first time was for self-harm and bulimia, that was in high school and I stayed here for over five months. The second time was for insomnia and anxiety after my first year of college, I stayed for about a month. The third time was for attempted suicide,” Yoongi said the words so casually, without a blink of an eye, and Seungcheol wondered if he would ever be able to say those words about his own self and not feel the overwhelming shame he felt. “Two months, and then I went to counseling three days a week.” Yoongi took another sip of his drink and inspected what was left of his soup.

“And now?” Seungcheol asked him.

“Depression,” Yoongi said. “I’ve always had it, but it has never been the center of my treatment before.” That was all Yoongi could say before they were told they had ten more minutes left to eat, and Seungcheol looked down at his own tray of food. Juice, water, a few slivers of meat and glass noodles, a side of mixed vegetables and a bread roll. All of it untouched and going cold. 

Yoongi glanced down at the tray as well and then looked back up at him. “Try and eat all of it,” Yoongi told him, soft but stern. “When you finally feel ready to talk to them, you’ll want to tell them you’re doing better.” Seungcheol could tell Yoongi was, once again, talking from experience and nodded, picking up his chopsticks and reaching for a piece of broccoli.

It was all the encouragement Seungcheol needed to finish everything in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant absolutely say but if any of you are interested i might make a bts oneshot if you wanted to learn more about yoongi and his experiences with his soulmates and the hospital etc? i do have a more in depth backstory for him that was just skimmed in this chap bc this is a svt fic and i didnt want to make it totally about yoongi instead of cheol bc this is his arc, but yeah like i said let me know if you do want to know more about yoongi and ill make him his own oneshot 
> 
> also just cheol and yoongi again in this chapter but the others will be making a comeback of sorts next time


	8. Chapter 8

Jeonghan woke up to someone saying,   _I regret so much of my fucking life._ It got him properly awake and out of bed, feeling slightly nervous as he brushed his teeth until somehow replied and he realized it wasn’t anything serious.

 _What happened this time, Hansol?_ Jisoo, or at least Jeonghan thought it was Jisoo, asked. He always had a harder time telling who was who when he was half asleep like he was currently.

 _I cut my bangs last night. But they came out too short._ Hansol wailed. He then went on a long tangent about how he was going to drop out of school and move to Scotland until his bangs grew back out. He went at it for so long that Jeonghan finished brushing his teeth and washing his face before Seungkwan woke up and asked,

_Who told you to cut your own bangs, though?_

_Wonwoo hyung,_ Hansol replied immediately, casting the older under the bus without a moment of hesitation.

 _I don’t recall asking to be exposed like this_ , Wonwoo piped up. Jeonghan could tell that he hadn’t had his coffee yet just by his voice, even though it was just in their link. He

 _Wonwoo cuts his own bangs?_ Jihoon asked, also waking up because of Hansol’s morning scream about the state of his hair.

_I’m sure you still look very nice, Hansol._

Jeonghan dropped his BB cream, the glass bottle shattering as soon as it hit the floor, the makeup spattering across the beige tiles of his bathroom floor, some of it splattering up onto the ivory walls as well.

 _Seungcheol hyung!_ Ten voices all shouted out as one. 

_…_

Seungcheol had been at Yoon’s for a little over three weeks when he first seriously started considering reaching out to his soulmates. He had group counseling every other day, and one on one counseling every day, even on the weekends, either one hour before noon or one hour after, depending on the day. It had taken him at least a week to open up just the slightest bit to his counselor, him sitting there for his hour like a sealed clam, the two of them staring at one another as she gently tried to pry answers and replies out of him. He likely would have lasted longer, but he had a terrible dream about his soulmates telling him that they hated him the night before and broke down in her office when she asked him how he was doing, and from then on, he had slowly been opening up more and more with her. She successfully found a combination of medication for him that wasn’t overwhelming and that didn’t make him sick after just the second try, which was new. Just a few days before he had begun telling her about his soulmates, sharing little stories about them, and he found himself smiling and even laughing sometimes when talking about them.

He missed them so dearly his chest ached, hurting with every powerful and steady beat of his heart.

He had just finished up telling her a story about Junhui making them all try fresh plums when he was thirteen. When half of them had said they were gross Junhui had cried until all six of the criminals- Jisoo, Jihoon, Mingyu, Minghao, Seungkwan and Chan-had said they were mistaken and that plums were delicious, and they would certainly be having more of them in the future.

A lot of the time, they did talk about more serious stuff, but they both also figured out that Seungcheol sharing some of the more sillier and happier times between him and his soulmates made him loosen up and more willing to talk about the harder things. Their sessions usually started with Seungcheol taking up the first ten to twenty minutes about some story, and then the rest of the time was centered around more serious topics.

He was leaning back in his chair, staring down at his soft, blue slippers when Bora called for his attention gently, he looked up, humming to show that he was listening.

“Have you considered reaching out to them?” She asked him, scribbling something down on her notepad.

Seungcheol stilled, except for his left leg, which began to bounce out of anxiety. “I…don’t know,” he answered finally, which wasn’t the exact truth. He didn’t feel guilty about it though because he knew they could both tell he wasn’t telling the truth.

“I don’t want you to feel too pressured,” Bora told him, still writing something down. “But I think it would be good for you to reach out to them. You’re doing pretty well, Seungcheol. I think now would be a good time. But again, it's up to you, if you feel like you need more time, then take it.”

Seungcheol nodded and just watched as she finished writing the rest of her notes, and neither of them brought up the matter anymore for the rest of their session.

…

He didn’t stop thinking about it though. He thought about it through lunchtime, he thought about it through his group counseling session even though he didn’t talk about it, he thought about it during their off time when they could watch a movie or read books or play one of the board games they had stacked up in the parlor. He thought about it when he took his afternoon meds, and he thought about it during dinner.

Yoongi could tell he was deep in thought about something, something private that he likely didn’t want to share because if he did, he would have already asked the elder about it. So he respected that right and gave the younger his space, not saying much as they ate their dinner from across one another.

He thought about it when he went to bed. He couldn’t sleep all night long, tossing and turning, not being able to escape his thoughts.

He wanted to talk to them, so much, but he was so afraid. It had been so long since he had spoken to any of them, and he had left them all so suddenly, without much explaining or even a real apology.

_But he missed them._

 It was tiring to keep his part of the link quiet, doing his best to not listen to them when they were talking to one another and making sure none of them heard him. It might have been even harder for other people, but Seungcheol had gotten plenty of practice over the years. Hiding from them

_He had been hiding from them for so long already._

He didn’t want to hide from them anymore. They had been there for him, loved him and supported him, feared for him and cared for him, wanted the best for him.

Seungcheol made his decision in the early hours of the morning, looking out of his tiny window and watching as the sun came up, painting the sky shades of soft pink and purplish blue.

…

 _Hyung!_ Chan yelled happily. _How are you?_

 _I’ve been doing better,_ Seungcheol said, and it felt so good to have that be true for once.

 _Have you been eating, baby?_ Jeonghan asked, the pet name sending a shiver of delight up his spine. He felt his eyes prickle.

 _I’ve been eating all of my meals_ , Seungcheol assured him and the others, his eyes slowly becoming more and more wet, tears threatening to fall when he felt the bursts of happiness and relief coming from all twelve of them.

 _That’s great baby,_ Jisoo said, and this time Seungcheol’s lips twitched up into a smile in reaction to the endearment. Jeonghan and Jisoo had been calling him that since their first year of high school, and it made his heart pick up just as much as it did the first time they called him it. He was overcome with his feelings, from hearing their voices again, from feeling their presence and feeling their love for him.

_I missed all of you so much_

_We missed you too_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chap and it still made me extremely emo
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui


	9. Chapter 9

Seungcheol was sitting in the parlor all alone when one of the nurses had approached him. It was visiting hours at the moment, and about half of the patients had someone visiting them, the other half going back to their rooms or in an appointment with their own counselor. Yoongi was having his last appointment with the phycologist before he was discharged tomorrow morning, and it was, understandably, running a bit longer than it usually did. Today was a big day for everyone. Yoon’s wasn’t one of those places where people entered and were doomed to never leave, but they always made a big deal of it when someone was well enough to go home, even if there were multiple people leaving in the week, or even on the same day, though that didn’t happen often.

Seungcheol was happy for his friend. There was a part of him that was a little sad that he would have no one to eat dinner with anymore for the rest of his stay, but he was mostly happy Yoongi was doing well enough to go back to his soulmates, and they had promised one another they would stay in touch once they both went home.

He was lost in his thoughts, thinking about the plans he and Yoongi had made together to do when they were both released, and didn’t notice the nurse who walked up to him until she had cleared her throat gently to get his attention.

“You have a visitor,” She told him, smiling gently when his eyes widened in surprise.

“I…what?”

After Seungcheol had begun talking to the others once again, he had told his psychologist that he wanted to drop the harsh restrictions he had put up, meaning that people would be allowed to call him and send gifts. And visit. But he didn’t think any of them would visit him, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind.

“You can still refuse,” The nurse reminded him gently when he didn’t respond after a moment, shock still overwhelming his features.

“No!” he said loudly before he could help himself, and then he blushed and cowered in on himself slightly. “No, I mea-I’m sorry, yes, I…I want to see my visitor.”

The nurse looked unbothered by his little outburst as if she had been expecting it. She nodded her head and told him to follow her, leading him down the hall that led to the main visiting room. He reached up and tried to flatten his hair, trying to remember if he had done anything to mess it up since he brushed it that morning, wondering if he should have brushed his teeth an extra time after his lunch, if the lotion he put on his face that morning had been enough to not make him looked dried out and gross.

The nurse walked by the blue double doors of the visiting room and Seungcheol slid to a stop, his toes curling anxiously in his pastel green slippers.

“Aren’t we…” he started to ask her and then trailed off, head tilting in confusion and slightly worry. Which meant he was worrying a lot.

“Mr. Yoon set up a private room,” the nurse told him, and it took Seungcheol a moment to realize that she was talking about Jeonghan and not his father. So, he nodded quickly and hurried to catch up with her, looking around as they went further down the hall until they came up to a single blue painted door on the far left, almost at the end.

When the nurse said he had a visitor, and then mentioned _Mr. Yoon,_ he had figured that it was Jeonghan.

But it wasn’t.

He wasn’t even sure who it was that was visiting him.

Which just made him feel more self-conscious!

Because all of his soulmates were gorgeous, he didn’t even ever have to see them to know that, and he had just been proven right over and over again with Seokmin, and then Soonyoung, and then Jeonghan and then Jihoon. And…whoever it was was just as incredibly handsome and gorgeous and good looking and oh god he thought he might pass out when they turned away from the window they were looking through and face him, a smile stretching across their face when they lock eyes with him.

“Hey, baby,” he said softly, and Seungcheol knew exactly who it was as soon as the words left his mouth, that was the same voice, the same voice that had coaxed him into going to the appointment that Jeonghan had set up for him, the same voice that had cooed lullabies to him when he couldn’t sleep and everyone else was already gone to the world, the same voice that called him baby for the very first time when they were both fourteen.

“Jisoo,” he breathed out, and then slid across the floor on his slippers, right into his open arms before he could even think about how he might not be allowed to do that. Jisoo caught him in his arms and rocked him gently back and forth, running a hand through his black hair that was drier than it usually was and pressing his lips against his temple.

The nurse sat in the corner of the room, silently supervising them as she opened up her tablet and apparently began to do some work, glancing up at them every so often, simply giving them the illusion of privacy, but both of them appreciated it greatly.

Jisoo drew him over to the couch against the wall and sat them both down on it, the two of them holding each other’s hands tightly and staring deeply into the other’s eyes, simply taking in the other.

“What are you doing here, Josh?” Seungcheol asked before he could help himself.

Jisoo didn’t look all that bothered by the question, he just pulled Seungcheol closer to him and brought their hands up to his face, kissing Seungcheol’s knuckles softly.

“I just…I needed to see you,” Jisoo told him quietly. “I was going to come and see when you got out, but as soon as you told us the restrictions were dropped, I had my parents loan me some money, so I could come.”

Seungcheol knew how much Jisoo hated taking things from others, even if it was something he would give back eventually. He frowned and began, “Jisoo-“

“Its okay,” Jisoo cooed, already knowing what he was going to say. “It’s-I needed to see you, baby. I couldn’t…I couldn’t stop thinking about you. In here. And out of here. Just you in general, I just needed to see you, make sure you were okay, I couldn’t wait until August, even if it's just for a few hours. I hope that’s okay,” Jisoo finished softly.

“Of course, it’s okay,” Seungcheol whispered back, swallowing thickly when he became aware of the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “I…I’m so happy you came,” Seungcheol paused. “It’s just the money-I know you don’t like borrowing from people,”

“I don’t care about any of that,” Jisoo said honestly. “My parents know I’ll pay them back before summer even starts. I just care about you, and seeing you, and being here with you while I can.” Jisoo whispered, ‘I just care about you’ softly against his wrist, and Seungcheol felt like his heart might give out.

“Okay,” Seungcheol whispered softly, not being able to fight the smile that spread across his lips, nor the blush that painted his cheeks a soft pink.

Jisoo smiled and pulled away to stare him lovingly, longingly, and Seungcheol couldn’t help but stare right back at him, all over again, for the second time they just silently stared at one another, admiring one another, until a thought crossed Seungcheol’s mind.

“Did Jeonghan-“ Seungcheol began and then trailed off because Jisoo straightened up at the others name.

“I called him when I was already on my way over here,” Jisoo said. “He set it up for me this morning.”

“And he didn’t make you do anything for him in return?” Seungcheol teased gently, and he swore he heard a loud huff from somewhere in their link, and judging by the ten other giggles that came after, he had been correct.

“He just wanted me to tell you to be ready to settle in when you get out in a few weeks,” Jisoo said. “And…well, you know he got your landlord to let go of the lease, right?”

Seungcheol nodded and bit his lip. Jeonghan had told him he had reached out for that and had assured Seungcheol he had all of his stuff, and that he hadn’t left anything behind. He had been thinking about that a lot recently, about where he would go afterward when he got out. Yoongi had even told him that if he needed somewhere to stay, to call him when he got out and he would let him crash with him.

“Jeonghan went ahead and rented the two of you a new apartment in Daegu,” Jisoo told him, running a thumb over his knuckles gently. “He’s already living there, and he transferred schools and work already as well.”

_Yoon Jeonghan._

_Just enjoy your time with Shua, baby. We’ll talk more about it when you get out._

Seungcheol whined softly and bit harshly down on his lip, but immediately opened his mouth back up when he remembered what he and his counselor had talked about. Jisoo watched him correct himself with eyes that were at first a bit hesitant and worried but instantly burned with an intense pride. It was more of a nervous habit than anything else, not something that he had done intentionally to harm himself, unlike some other things in the past, but his counselor still wanted him to work on not doing it, and he had told them about some of his goals that he was working towards, some of them were embarrassing, but they had all listened with rapt attention and been so supportive. 

 _Okay_ , he relented. Jeonghan had a point. It would be a long time after today until he would get to see Jisoo again.

"What about school, though?" He asked suddenly. 

"its the middle of the semester," Jisoo reminded him gently. "I'm on my spring break."

"Middle of the semester already," Seungcheol mumbled, a frown on his lips. He had admitted himself just a few weeks into the semester, and now it was the middle of it, he hadn't realized how long he had been inside, as talking to the others had made it easier for him to get through the days and reach his daily goals, he had stopped counting how long he had been there. 

"Hey," Jisoo called gently, making him look up. Jisoo cupped one of his cheeks and pulled him forward so Seungcheol was cradled against his chest. "It doesn't matter how long you're here for, alright? We're so extremely proud of you, Cheolie." 

The words comforted him, he let the words comfort him, whereas he would have used to deny himself the good feelings his soulmates words gave him, he allowed for them to crash over him and turn his train of thought, and before he thought about it, he nuzzled his nose into Jisoos chest, and whispered softly against his heartbeat, "I love you, Jisoo."

Seungcheol heard his heartbeat pick up. "I love you too, baby," Jisoo whispered back, and then he backed himself up so he was leaning against the arm of the couch, holding Seungcheol tightly to his body, cradling him in his arms and littering kisses on the top of his head, kisses that made his skin heat up and his face blush. Jisoo pressed a kissed against the side of his mouth and he sighed dreamily.

"Jeonghan kissed you first, right?" Jisoo asked, not sounding exactly bothered. 

Seungcheol hummed to confirm and giggled an apology. 

"He's not here to kiss you now," Jisoo whispered against the soft skin of his cheek. "So I think I win,"

Jisoo kissed him gently, lightly, softly, everything that he had ever imagined a kiss with Jisoo would be like and a million times more on top of it. Seungcheol kissed him back, but they kept it at a few kisses, not wanting the nurse to decide that it was better of if they didn't touch one another. 

"Its only an hour until visiting hours are over," Seungcheol whispered sadly after they parted. 

"I know," Jisoo whispered, and he held Seungcheol close.

They spent the rest of their hour like that, Jisoo holding Seungcheol tightly in his arms, occasionally kissing each other on the lips or face or hands or any part that they could reach, holding each other's hands, and talking about anything and everything that they had waited to talk about in person. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uWU
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know i was supposed to update simb but im having a hard time on the update so i would rather work on other things and get them updated than just let everything else sit and wait 
> 
> NOW ENJOY SOULMATES UWU

The day that Seungcheol goes home, it is perfectly sunny. He stood at the window in his room, standing up on his tiptoes to look over some of the trees. He rests his hands against the plexiglass. This was the first time in years that Seungcheol had willingly let sunlight stream into his room, and he found that it felt quite nice, and looked even better. The sky was a brilliant combination of pink and orange, and a part of him wished that he had something warm to drink as he watched the sun come up the rest of the way. And someone to watch the sun coming up with.

But all of his soulmates were fast asleep, even Jisoo, who had crashed after a test for his last class of the day after hours of cramming before. Junhui and Minghao would still be fast asleep as well, as they were an hour behind the other ten of them. He searched through the link and found that everyone was still asleep, just as he expected.

Residing himself to the inevitable loneliness, Seungcheol walked over to his bed, that he had made after he had gotten up. It was quite exhausting to do that sort of thing, but he was doing his best to practice as many good habits as he could manage. He sits on the edge of the bed and finishes packing up his bag.

He wrapped his toiletries that he had just finished using for the last time here and wrapped them up in their own tiny plastic baggies, the only sort he was allowed to have, even now, because they were so small and couldn’t do anything with them except for what they were meant for. He wrapped them all up carefully and then tucks them into a makeup bag he had on hand and puts it with the rest of his things, grabbing the two freshly laundered clothes and setting them on top. It was only after he did it that he thought he should have done it the other way around, and sighs, resisting the urge to call himself an idiot.

He fixed his things around until he was content with them, and then zipped up his bag, doing one last look around the room to make sure that he was not forgetting anything and then left it nicely on the foot of the bed, already prepared and waiting by the door when it was time for breakfast.

Meals had become lonely ever since Yoongi had left. Many of the people who had been there when he had first come were gone now as well, with only a few longer-term patients left, most of the people who didn't seem interested in him at all, and he didn't want to get close with anyone new, knowing that he wouldn’t be here for much longer.

As he scraped his oatmeal off the side of his bowl to make another bite, he began to feel parts of the web light up here and there, and after a moment of concentration, sipping on his almond milk, he could tell that Seungkwan and Wonwoo had risen, sleepily moving around their rooms even as they thought about how much they wanted to go back to bed.

He sat and quietly finished up the rest of his breakfast as he felt everyone else wake up. Jisoo was woken up by everyone getting up, as he usually was. He greeted them in a soft voice, muddled with exhaustion, as he dragged himself down the hall of his dorm just long enough to grab a snack from one of the vending machines and then trudging back to his room, listening in as he ate his snack in silence.

I want chocolate, Seungcheol found himself thinking rather loudly, even catching himself by surprise as he spooned bland eggs into his mouth. Jisoo paused in eating his mess of chocolatey and caramel goodness.

I’ll make sure there’s some at the apartment for you, Jeonghan replied, interrupting the silence that had taken over them all. Jeonghan rolled over and went back to sleep easily, his end going quiet as everyone continued getting ready for their day. Jisoo picked back up his food and ate another piece and Seungcheol swore that he could almost taste it.

Seungcheol finishes up his breakfast, leaving nothing but a few crumbs on his tray. He was told after breakfast that he’ll be leaving after he has one last session with his doctor, and then his ride will be waiting for him down in the lobby of the building.

Seungcheol had not realized that it would happen so soon and became very nervous. It was really happening. He was going home. He did not know why but leaving suddenly felt much scarier to him than it had felt before. For weeks it had been all he could think about, and now he felt himself biting nervously at his nails, a habit that he was having the most difficult time in quitting.

The session goes by much quicker than he would have ever expected it to. It was shorter than any of the times where he had begun to share his thoughts and feelings, feeling like he was getting somewhere, wanting to stay a bit longer, to talk a bit more, and then he would be told that his time was up. Throughout the entire session, everyone was quiet and not hovering around, giving him his privacy.

Seungcheol carried his bag to his chest, forgoing the strap that would allow it to hang from his arm, and instead using his bag as a kind of shield, though from what he did not know. Hadn’t he been looking out his window for days now, feeling like he was unable to wait to be out there again? To feel the sunlight on his skin, to feel the wind in his hair, to touch the grass and every other sensation that only existed outside of the walls of a building.

It feels like nothing, as long as forever, for the elevator doors to slide open when he reaches the lobby floor. They slide open and he stands there for a moment, for so long that they begin to close again, the nurse that had accompanied him out having to stop it with their arm. Seungcheol snapped out of his trance and gives them a nervous smile, muttering his thanks before he stepped out.

His feet feel like cement blocks as he dragged them down the half hallway to the opening out into the lobby, the nurse wishing him a good day and going back into the elevator once he made his way out of it.

Seungcheol took a deep breath and counted his steps. The link was especially quiet like they were all holding their breath. One of the strings gave it a soft tug, and he felt it right in his chest, a sure sign that someone was very close.

Seungcheol turned into the lobby and felt his breath get caught up in his throat.

Through the glass front doors, he can see the rain that falls from the rain clouds that had gathered up suddenly a bit after breakfast pelt against the pavement and the glass, the winds strong and wiping a few of the leaves off of their branches, dancing across the parking long and over the iron gate that surrounded it.

Seungcheol likes the rain, likes the cold, but his attention was drawn instantly to Jeonghan who was standing at the window, watching the leaves go by as the wind picked up, watched as the rain splattered on top of the cars outside, and little birds chirp loudly at one another as they peck hastily at the dirt, a light beige jacket covers him to the waist, matching well with his dark washed jeans and his newly dyed blonde hair, Seungcheol admiring him for the second he has before he hears his footsteps and turned.  

Jeonghan stepped away from the window and took one towards him, his head tipping to the side as he gives him a vibrant smile, ignoring the fluffy blonde hair that falls into his eyes.

The day that Seungcheol goes home, it is perfectly sunny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uWU cheolie is going home~~
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOME VERY IMPORTANT TAGS WERE ADDED AND WILL BE DEALT WITH IN THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT FEW, SO PLEASE LOOK AT THEM. 
> 
> in this chap it is just rly implied but the next will be heavily detailed so please be aware

 

Junhui was happy.

 

A little over a month Seungcheol had come home from the institute and had moved into the apartment that Jeonghan was renting out for the two of them. He was going to counseling every other day at ten in the morning, and four days a week he had a job working in the back of a big store, where it was quiet and he didn't have to deal with any customers for the most part unless he was stocking things on the shelf. 

 

Jeonghan has reassured him that he didn't have to work full time, that he didn't have to think about school for the next few months, and that he should just concentrate on going to his counseling, but he wanted to help with the bills, and it was good for him nonetheless, they all thought it was good for him once he got settled at his new job, though he had not been easy before that. 

 

But seeing Seungcheol and his other soulmates happier and doing well made Junhui happy, it really did, it put him in such a good mood and made him think that everything was going to be okay for them. 

 

They had all been stressed out when Seungcheol was in the hospital. Things were not very chipper or kind in the beginning, it was not that they were mad at one another, but they couldn't really have fun and talk to one another when one of their soulmates was gone and recovering, it just did not seem right. 

 

It had been Wonwoo of all of them to actually be the one to push them out of the gutter and back to themselves, he told them that when Seungcheol was feeling better they needed to be there for him, that he would worry more if they were like this, that he would think it was his fault for his soulmates feeling so down. 

 

Of course, none of them wanted that. It was true in a way, they were down because of Seungcheol, but it wasn't because they were angry at him, or blaming him. One of their soulmates was going through something so horrible, so of course they would be feeling this way. 

 

Once Wonwoo spoke up, that of course got Soonyoung perked up, not one to be out done by Wonwoo. It was an odd thing between the two of them. They had a strange rivalry, one that Jeonghan said once was likely because they were so close in age, barely more than a month, and it had been that way ever since any of them could remember.

 

_ I'm not like that with Junnie! _ Soonyoung had argued back at Jeonghan.  _ And the two of us are only five days apart! _

 

_ Well, obviously, _ Jeonghan had replied,  _ Since Junnie is the one you two are always trying to fight over half the time.  _

 

His words had been met with instant denial and words of protest from the pair, which had been very amusing to them all since it wasn't as if they all didn't know they were romantically interested in each other. It was no secret that Wonwoo and Soonyoung, and sometimes even Jihoon, would fight over Junhui, while the others listened on in amusement. 

 

_ It's all Wonwoo's fault, _ Soonyoung would rant,  _ He gets all possessive of Seungcheol hyung too! He's a total weirdo! _

 

_ Wonwoo isn't a weirdo,  _ Seungcheol and Junhui insisted. 

 

_ Yeah Im not a weirdo!  _ Wonwoo repeated back. 

 

And then there had been more bickering and fighting, only to be interrupted a few moments later when Minghao got out of his class and added his few cents. 

 

_ Obviously you couldn't have fought with Jun, _ Minghao pipes up with a snort.  _ You and Wonwoo have been fighting since you were kids. How were either of you going to fight with Jun when you wouldnt understand one another? _

 

_ Not now Minghao!  _

 

_ Yeah, Minghao, we’ve already moved on from that! _

 

Minghao had just snorted knowing that he was right. 

 

It was one of their most amusing arguments to date, and Minghao had just made it all the more funny. So once Wonwoo said they needed to perk up, Soonyoung started ranting and raving at them about it, and of course once Soonyoung got worked up, that set off Seokmin and Seungkwan as well, and half of them were surprised that Seungcheol didn't come out of his silence just to tell them to shut up. 

 

It was a point in the day where they were all talking with one another. After what had happened with Seungcheol, they had all insisted with being more reinforcing with making time to talk to each other about their feelings and what they were dealing with at the moment. 

 

It was time they took to match up their daily schedules for time for one another. They would take their break during work, Jisoo would stay up a bit longer and adjust his sleeping schedule, they would take a break from studying, and so on, wanting to accommodate each other so they can have that important time, even if it wasn't as long as they would have liked.

 

Chan had just gotten finished telling them about how anxious he was about his upcoming finals and that he was not sure how well he would do and they were all reassuring him and telling him that they would be proud of him no matter the results. 

 

During this, Junhui was leaning against the wall of the practice room of the dance studio. He wasn't majoring in dance like Minghao was, but he was taking a few classes to soothe his interest for it. They were just wrapping up and Junhui was still adjusting his shoes and fixing his sweatshirt. 

 

The time to go back to work or studying comes, and they're all saying goodbye to each other but Junhui's attention nervously goes to eyes that watch him in the corner, and he misses it when he's asked something. 

 

_ What was that? _ He asked. 

 

_ Junnie, are you okay? _

 

Junhui got up from the floor and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he walked at a brisk pace to the door so he can go back to his dorm and rest for the remainder of the day, until tonight, since Jiacheng had invited him out to a party that was going on. 

 

“He's a pretty one, isn't he?” 

 

Junhui's smile wavers for just a moment, but he carefully slides it back onto his face, as if his soulmates were standing before him and could see his expression.

 

_ I’m good~  _

 

“I like to watch him walk.”

 

Junhui shivered from head to toe and hurried out of the room, closing the door after him, and when Seungkwan asks him about the tremble in his connection, he just tells him that he was cold. 

 

…

 

Seungcheol loves to lay in bed with Jeonghan once they both get off of work. They both get off late, Jeonghan getting out at nine when the clinic closed, and he would usually stay behind a bit and close up, and then he would go and pick Seungcheol up from work, who always got out at ten. 

 

Seungcheol had already taken his shower and was laying cozy in bed, it was late, just a little bit after midnight now, and he waited as Jeonghan brushed his hair and then his teeth in the bathroom just a few feet away.

 

The night was so peaceful, work had been quite good with nothing too stressful happening, and Jeonghan and him had shared a yummy snack before they took their showers. He was so warm in the sheets after his shower, his eyes were falling shut, he could feel himself slipping off, but then he jolted awake, his eyes widening as his body sat up in a hurry.

 

“What time do you want to have lunch tomorrow- or I guess, later today,” Jeonghan was saying as he walked out of the bathroom.

 

“Jeonghan-”

 

“Because if you want to go early then we have to-”

 

“Jeonghan! Something is wrong with Junhui!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you will be seeing things from seungcheol in future chapters but for now I really want to work on this jun arch which is also: pretty sad and deals with dark subjects, so please be aware of them and don't read if any of these subjects upset and or trigger you in any way.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was too sad to be updated on Christmas so here it comes a bit after it at least by est

The fear that had watered down through the web had been quiet at first. It was so subtle that for those of them that had been mentally busy with something, did not even sense the feeling that was coming from one of their soulmates. It was only for those of them that had been laid out in their beds, sleepy and preparing to go to bed, sleepy, kind wondering and not focused on anything in particular, that had felt it.  
  
It was a terrifying feel, one that scared all of them, they had only felt that kind of pure terror in the web a few times in their lives, the most recent coming from Seokmin when he was running to Seungcheol on the bridge.  
  
The first time had been long ago already, but if they tried hard, even the youngest ones could remember Jeonghan falling into a over flowing river while on a trip with his family and being half drowned before he got stuck in a broken beavers dam while being swept down stream and getting fished out by his parents.  
  
Through the years, they had learned that this was the very worst feeling that they could experience through their web that they knew of. The feeling of pure suffering, one that was so very close to that of death.  
  
And that was all they could feel from Junhui. There was a mass mix of emotions underneath it, another constant stream of words being said from Junhui that they couldn't make out, because it was all over powered by that feeling and the most panicked part of Junhuis mind.  
  
Their lines were a mess, there was no organisation and they were all frantically talking over one another and trying to get Junhui to hear them, trying to comfort him while also trying to figure out the reasons as to why he was feeling the way he was.  
  
Junhui wasn't letting them know, he couldn't. He was screaming and crying and begging even mentally but he never gave them a single hint as to what was happening.  
  
_Junhui! Please, answer us. Tell us what's happening, please-_  
  
_Hoonie help me, help me, Please help me_ , Junhui wails, cutting Jihoon off and then the rest of them, heads pounding at the sheer volume of the awful begging. The sobbing voice of their soulmate, wanting, needing help so badly tore them all to pieces.  
  
_Oh God baby,_ they could hear Jihoon sobbing, misery making him shake. _I want to help you, I want to help you so much. How can I help you?_  
  
_J_ unhui doesn't have an answer for them, random words and noises falter in and out, Junhuis mind a mess and his mind muggy and rattled.  
  
_What's wrong, Junhui? What's happening?_  
  
But no matter how many times Seungkwan or Mingyu or any of them asked Junhui didn't give them a direct answer. That one time he had responded to Junhui had been it, he didnt respond directly to anything they said or asked. He wasn't able too, he was too scared, dealing with things that they had no idea about.  
  
_It hurts It hurts It hurts_  
  
Junhuis screams and cries of pain echo throughout their minds, making them all tremble and spill tears of their own, barley able to make out Soonyoung asking Junhui what hurt, flinching when Junhui just screams horribly again.  
  
And then suddenly, Junhuis voice changed, cracked, broke, choked and guttural and awful and making their blood run even colder than the ice that it had already turned into.  
  
_They're going to kill me,_ Junhui chokes out, voice strained, weak and fading. _They really are._  
  
And then one more choked, struggling noise and then,  
  
Silence.  
  
If hearing Junhui had been near torture, not hearing him at all certainly was.  
  
The web goes silent, cracking and fragmenting for a moment, it almost feels like something is breaking in it, coming apart, but just as suddenly everything snaps back together, but it is still horribly, uttelry silent from the one line was always so bright with life.  
  
...  
  
There are arguments about who will be the one to go. They are not too many, and it does not take too much time, just a hour or two, but they do argue about who will go to Shenzhen and try and track Junhui down.  
  
They don't have any other options. Junhui is alive, they can feel him, but they also can't feel him. There is life in that his heart is still beating, but no other signs of him.  
  
Junhui doesnt answer his phone, no matter how many times that they called him. Junhui was attached to his phone more than any of them were, Minghao had scolded him so many times about it before and now he wished that he did not.  
  
It is decided that Minghao will go at first. They all wanted to go, but Minghao would be able to get around much easier than any of them ever would and not for the first time they all wished that they had took their Mandarin lessons more easily and promise themselves that they will start them up again.  
  
Minghao is in the same country, but further away from Junhui than any of the others in Korea. Flying they would likely get in much quicker than he would, no matter what what he was going to get there, but he deosnt have the problem of passports or a visa on his hands, so he sets right out just a few hours after Junhuis lines go silent.  
  
The few of them that already have passports are already looking into the next steps they will have to take to get into the country, while the handful of them that don't have passports are getting what they need to get them as Minghao sets off.  
  
He would like to fly, but he doesn't have the funds, especially since he doesn't know how long he will be staying or what will even happen when he gets there, he needs to keep a careful eye on the money that he has and what will be coming in the near future.  
  
He doesn't sleep for the many hours that he is on the train. He knows that he should, since he is going to need all of his energy to try and find Junhui, but no matter what he tries he can't get his mind to settle. The best he can do is rest his head back and close his eyes, hoping his body will fool itself into feeling rested.  
  
Where he is to start?  
  
First, he goes to Junhuis university. Junhui was only in his second year, since he had taken some years out to figure things out before he went to school, but no one knows where he is, hasn't seen him since the night before. He attempts to locate the few friends that Junhui has mentioned to them but he deosnt have a clear direction as to where to look for them and so he goes on, no wanting to waste any time when he has other people he could be asking.  
  
The problem is that Minghao can't go to any form of authorities. Junhui is an adult, no matter how many times Soonyoung calls him a baby, and he hasn't been missing for very long. And maybe he isn't really missing to others that aren't his soulmates, so be skips over that as well.  
  
Minghao then goes and searches the hospitals. He has plans to go back to the university later on in the day if he gets no leads, but at the third hospital that he goes into, he doesnt have to look anymore.  
  
"Wen Junhui, right?" The front secretary adks as she clicks away at her screen. Minghao nods his head and waits anxiously.  
  
"Oh! Yes, he's here. Wen Junhui, fourth floor, Intensive Care Unit, room 117."  
  
...  
  
_I found Junnie._  
  
At once the web comes to life anxiously with questions, some of them that he can answer and others that he cannot.  
  
_I don't know,_ Minghao says as his answer for about the seventh time in a row and while he wishes that it wasn't the case, it really is just the truth right now.  
  
_Why can't we fell Junnie? Can't he tell you anything that we need to know, Hao?_  
  
_He can't say anything at the moment._ Minghao tells them, finger toying with the cap of his water bottle as a tear comes slowly sliding down his face.  
  
_What do you mean?_  
  
_He's been in a coma since he came in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are going to be.... v sad 
> 
> My laptop is finally going which is rly why I haven't been able to update at ease, I wrote all of this chapter on my phone, I hope it isnt too disappointing, I will be trying to get a replacement for my laptop tomorrow so hopefully I will be able to post more regularly.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i bought that new laptop, and so this got written.

Of course, plans had to be changed after that.

 

Junhui was alive, and he was safe now. When Jeonghan pointed that out to the rest of his soulmates, most of the younger ones had to bite their tongues to stop themselves from swearing at him.

 

 _Why can't I go?_ Chan had demanded rather tearfully. _Our soulmate is severely injured, we would all be allowed to go and see him!_

 

 _You have to prepare for the college entrance exams. You didn't take them before you graduated, so you need to study now on your own. You still have time to apply for the fall semester at some schools if you take them soon_. Jeonghan had tried to explain his reasoning with him.

 

_I don't fucking care about the entrance exams! I want to go and see Junnie hyung!_

 

 _Don't talk to hyung like that_ , Seokmin had protested weakly.

 

 _Junnie is asleep, he won't know that you're there anyways,_ Wonwoo had said.

 

 _He's not asleep, he's in a fucking coma!_ Chan had raged. _You're only taking his side because you're one of the ones that's being allowed to go!_

 

 _Don't swear at your hyung,_ Wonwoo had replied calmly.

 

_Fuck you!_

 

 _Channie!_ Seungcheol protested.

 

_Dont!_

 

They could feel Chan curl in on his own mind, unwilling to talk to them, bitter and angry over the fact that the older ones had not allowed him, Hansol and Seungkwan be part of the conversation about the new plan about who was going to get to go.

 

It had been frustrating for all of them. They didn't like how all the older ones still thought of them as children. Hansol and Seungkwan were already in their first year and Chan had just graduated high school and was going to be starting in the fall, it didn't make sense to them as to why all of their elder soulmates still treated them like children.

 

It just wasn't fair. Minghao was just a few months older than Seungkwan and Hansol and he had been allowed to go after Junhui first, but Jeonghan and Jisoo had set their foot down about the matter and after some thinking, so did Seungcheol and all of the others.

 

It was cruel to them really. If Junhui had been there, he would have stood up for them, he always did, and the oldest always listened to him and what he had to say.

 

In the end, along with Minghao who was already there, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Jihoon and Soonyoung were sent along to Shenzhen. Jeonghan and Seungcheol didn't, as Jeonghan had decided that unless Junhui's condition worsened, they needed to stay and work on Seungcheol’s new routine. Jisoo would be coming over in just a few months, and he could see Junhui then, unless something else happened. Seokmin wanted to go as well, but his job wouldn't allow him to. He had considered quitting but Jeonghan had steered him against it.

 

Jeonghan knew that the kids all thought that he was being cruel, but he was just doing what he thought was best for all of them. While he wanted to think of just Junhui at the moment, he knew that he couldn't do that. He was going to do that just the night before, but now that they knew what was going on, he had to calm down and think of what best could be done for them all.

 

It wasn't an easy thing to do for him either, he wanted to say that, but he knew that Chan was not up to listening to him, and even though they were keeping quiet at the moment, Hansol and Seungkwan wouldn't want to hear it either.

 

Funnily enough, Wonwoo thought that this had to be the longest traveling time of his life. It took a bit over four hours. Mingyu and Jihoon would be on the same flight that would be coming in a half hour after his, and finally Soonyoung would be arriving twenty minutes after them.

 

They decided to wait for one another, that way none of them would be getting lost, and if they did get lost, at least they would be lost all together and it would be easier for Minghao to come and rescue them.

 

It should be a happy day, Wonwoo knows that, it should be happy, he's finally going to meet some of his soulmates. But it isn't a happy day, he has felt so horribly miserable ever since he had first felt Junhui’s fear three days ago.

 

Wonwoo waited for them around the luggage claim, hunched down in a chair and texting away with one of the few friends that he had that he wasn't connected with through mind. He had only been able to come because of three of them who were going to cover his two shifts until his vacation officially began.

 

He didn't know how he would find them anyways. According to Soonyoung, he knew it was them as soon as he had set eyes on them, like the web was finally leading him to someone it had been trying to show to him all along. Wonwoo wasn't sure about all of that, Soonyoung was dramatic, there was likely more to it than that, how was he supposed to know them as soon as he saw them?

 

And yet,

 

And yet, when he sees a impossibly tall figure come around the corner with a small, pale man at his side, the two of them both frowning and talking to one another, something makes him raise up to his feet.

 

That same something makes him walk around the revolving suitcases and start walking towards them, the only thing making him stop in his tracks his own nervousness, and so suddenly, his palms are sweating, and he has to wipe them off against his black pants, a sudden knot in his throat that he has to try to swallow against.

 

The two other figures notice him then, and they both stop, standing in the middle of the floor just like he was, both of them staring, looking at him, and he almost has to take his glasses off and wipe them clean against the edge of his black shirt.

 

Then, the tallest one smiles at him, looking like the sweetest puppy, despite the lingering pain in his eyes, and he takes a step towards him, one of the voices that Wonwoo has known since he could remember hitting his ears, and now he can see the face behind it.

 

“Ah, hyung, you look just like I always imagined you would,”

 

Wonwoo can hardly breath as Mingyu hugs him tight, face in his shoulder, and he looks over his shoulder, and watches as Jihoon comes forward, slowly, and takes both of them into his arms.

 

Soonyoung arrives forty minutes later, his flight having been a bit delayed due to the sprinkling going on outside. Wonwoo doesn't see him coming this time, and stops mid conversation when he feels a presence looming over him.

 

“Jeon Wonwoo,” a voice hisses over him as he raises his head and Wonwoo is already on his feet and half posting up, circling around the man that is also circling around him, hands in fists that he waves around a bit before he rushes at Wonwoo and hugs him, Wonwoo letting out a choked whine and hugging him tightly back.

 

“Two idiots in their natural habitat,” Jihoon muttered to Mingyu who laughed for the first time in too long and clung onto his arm as Wonwoo went and helped Soonyoung find his luggage in the rotation.

 

Getting to the hospital was easier than any of them had expected it to be. Mingyu was the most practiced in Mandarin, as Minghao had often scolded him for never studying it enough, which had triggered his competitive instincts and left him to study more regularly than the others, though Jisoo was still better than him at it. Therefore, Mingyu gives their taxi driver the name and address of the hospital and then they are off, some of them considering splitting the heafy cab fare up, but Jihoon just swiped his card and then instructed them all to get out.

Finding the floor that Junhui was on was much harder. Mingyu had tried his hand at talking to the receptionist at the front desk, but the two of them had a particularly hard time understanding one another, Mingyu's accent getting worse the more nervous that he got, and at last Wonwoo had to call up Minghao and get him to speak on the phone with the receptionist for them.

 

After that, they are able to make their way to the elevators alright, thanks to the fact they were lead there by pictures rather than words on the signs, and once they get to the unit Junhui is in, they need to press a button to be let in by a nurse, but thankfully, as soon as Mingyu utters their names they are buzzed in, the four of them awkwardly shuffling in after one another.

 

Wonwoo can't help his nerves. He doesn't know what they will see, what state Junhui will be in, and they know that Minghao had withheld some information from them, that the doctor will be coming in after they arrive to give them the whole lay out as to what exactly has happened and how Junhuis condition is, what the possibilities and options are.

 

Wonwoos feet stop him for a second, he felt frozen, all he had to do was round that corner and there would be Junhuis room, his mind is spinning, but he is grounded by Soonyoung, who reaches out and takes his hand in his, raising it up to his lips and pressing a delicate kiss against the inside of his wrist, and gives him a gentle pull along.

 

Minghao is standing outside of the glass doors of the window, Wonwoo still is not sure how he knows that its Minghao, he just does, because no one else could be him. He stood outside of the doors, arms crossed tightly over his chest, forehead creased, a deep frown on his face, and when he turned at the sound of their footsteps, they can see how troubled his eyes are.

 

His face flickers when he sees them, his lips go to turn up for a second, but then settle back down, but they can see a slight warmth in his eyes as he reaches out arm to wrap around Mingyu, who had rushed ahead to go to him.

 

Minghao presses a kiss against Mingyu's forehead, sweeps his hair out of his eyes, pats his cheek, and then leans down to give Jihoon a kiss on the cheek, does the same to Soonyoung, then wraps an arm around Wonwoo finally, tugging him in by his slender waist and letting out a heavy sigh against his neck before he presses a kiss into it.

 

Wonwoo doesnt turn to look at Junhui, and neither do the others, he can feel that they are all afraid to do so, can almost hear Chan say that he wouldn't be scared to see his hyung who he loved so much if he was there.

 

They don't look, not until Minghao opens the door and leads them all in, and for the first time they see the women sitting by the side of Junhuis bed that must be Junhuis mother, they think that it is, because when they finally look at Junhui, they see how much they look alike.

 

It is a gut wrenching sight. Wonwoo feels nauseous as his eyes run over Junhui for the first time.

 

Junhui is hooked up to so many machines that Wonwoo has a hard time finding them all, attaching one set of wires to one of the machines behind the bed, he doesnt think he can find the home for all of them. On top of everything that he's already hooked up to, there's a breathing tube stuffed down his throat, tape holding it perfectly in place, the sight making Wonwoo gag a bit, it looks so enormous and uncomfortable.

 

And then there are the bruises, the horrible bruises that Wonwoo thinks he will likely never forget. Wonwoo isn't sure how they were able to connect that Junhui and his mother looked alike, because his face was covered in so many bruises. They litter the sides of his cheeks, his forehead, his lips, going up into his hairline. Bruises litter his throat and his collarbones, nearly every inch marked different awful shades of purple and blue. His hands, wrists, and nearly all th way up to his forearms are covered in them as well, just a handful of patches of unmarked skin getting through to them.

 

Minghao walks forward and adjusts Junhui's blankets, and Wonwoo gets the horrible feeling that they are barely even seeing the damage that was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry :(


End file.
